The Power of Self-Awareness in Leadership with Gina DiStefano

In this episode of Career Coaching Secrets, our guest is Gina DiStefano, a transformational leadership coach, speaker, and founder of DiStefano Coaching & Consulting. With over a decade of experience helping executives and teams unlock their potential, Gina shares insights on how emotional intelligence, authentic communication, and self-awareness are the keys to thriving in today’s workplace. From guiding leaders through change to empowering individuals to lead with confidence and empathy, Gina’s approach blends strategy, mindset, and heart. Tune in to discover practical tools to elevate your leadership and career growth.

You can find her on:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/gina-d-a6a7495/

https://www.distefanogroup.com/

https://www.instagram.com/distefanogroup/ 

https://www.facebook.com/distefano.group.2023 

gina@distefanogroup.com

Transcript

Gina DiStefano: 0:00

I think it's about the impact that I live on people. What that Maya Angelo's saying, people will forget what you say, people for will forget what you do, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. So the first system I actually trademarked and coached on was called the Sue You System. And it stands for special, understood, and excited. And I would tell everyone, when I meet you, I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna make you feel special, understood, and excited to be around me. And when you do that, and that's how I would coach leaders, everyone become you become a magnet. People want to work with you, they want to buy from you, they want to date you, all of those things.

Davis Nguyen: 0:33

Welcome to Career Coaching Secrets, the podcast where we talk with successful career coaches on how they built their success and the hard lessons they learned along the way. My name is Davis Wynne, and I'm the founder of Purple Circle, where we help career coaches scale their business to $100,000 years, $100,000 months, and even $100,000 weeks. Before Purple Circle, I've grown several seven and eight figure career coaching businesses myself and have been a consultant at two career coaching businesses that are doing over $100 million each. Whether you're an established coach or building your practice for the first time, you'll discover the secrets to elevating your coaching business.

Kevin Yee: 1:04

Welcome to Career Coaching Secrets Podcast. I'm Kevin, and today we are joined by Gina DeStefano. She is the founder of DeStefano Group and been a coach for over 15 plus years. Welcome to the show, Gina.

Gina DiStefano: 1:18

Thank you. Excited to be here.

Kevin Yee: 1:20

Yeah, we were talking pre-podcast. We were talking about like, oh yeah, you've been around since the early days on LinkedIn and all that. And that was a long time ago. So I'm very curious about the origin story, the lore of how you got into coaching and how did you turn this into kind of a business? So curious about that.

Gina DiStefano: 1:38

Well, thank you. And first of all, thank you for making me feel old. Appreciate that. Because I am. I built a business long before the tools that are available now were available. My business started around 2010. I joined Taco Bell Corporate in 2005 or six, and it was an incredible experience, but they were very transparent my time there. They were selling off to franchisees, so every year there were cuts. One year was HR, the other year was operations, and I knew my time was coming. And I also knew that I had a really sweet gig going on. I worked remote at a time that remote wasn't even a thing. It afforded me the opportunity to be home for my kids. I kind of had the best of both worlds, and I knew when this came to an end, I was living in Western Mass, the amount of money I was making, the flexibility, those jobs were not around the corner. I didn't see myself kind of going back to that office environment. If you know, you know now. When you're working remote, the comforts, and I didn't know what I was gonna do. I was the breadwinner, I was making really, really good money, the flexibility. So I went into a panic for a half a second, and then I had to figure something out. And I had two options playing in my head. I was either gonna go back to school to get my PhD in clinical psychology and be a therapist. I've always, you know, had the drive, yada, yada, yadda, want to help people. And I had a bachelor's in psychology. But as soon as that thought came into my head, it left because I know who I am, and I said I will lose my license within a week. There is no way that I could stay within the confines of traditional therapy. So the next thought was coaching. And the reason that thought was planted in my head was because Taco Bell, they didn't call their upper management regionals or districts, they were all coaches. So coaching was very big. And again, why this opportunity? I did HR talent acquisition for Taco Bell. They were so at the time I was there, the leadership was unbelievable. And I worked under some of the best. And I learned so much and I had so many opportunities. And I don't know how. I'm very, very spiritual. I always believe everything happens for a reason. We get thoughts and ideas, and the idea was planted in my head about coaching. Like I said, I like to help people. I had a degree in psychology. I was still very young at the time. I was in my early 30s. That is extremely young to be, you know, I didn't really know that much. So I but I had this idea of personal coaching. Maybe I'll be a coach. And this was before the coaching market was as saturated as it is now. It wasn't that saturated in the early 2000s. So the first thing I did was I went out and I hired myself a business coach. I had no idea what I was about to do. I just had this feeling, this excitement in me, and I just started taking actionable steps. I hired a business coach. This business coach was able to give me enough of a foundation coupled with my corporate training to actually start building a business. Now, I was also terrified at the time. I was still working full-time. I didn't want to get found out, get fired. There was nothing they could have really fired me for. But again, I was young. I was scared of everything. So I was, I had to do it the old, old-fashioned way. I couldn't have a website. Social media really wasn't a thing. I had to join networking groups. I had to go to Staples and get a business card. And I old, I, you know, I built relationships, and that ended up taking my career to so many different levels to this day, even though we have social media, which is incredible. I was able to sustain a business based on solely referrals. And as my business fluctuated throughout the years, I am a single mother, COVID did a number, all of those things. I was never without a client because of my reputation, the referral. So whether I wanted to take them on or not, there were people knocking on my door because of the relationships I had better built over the years. So I started that business around 2010 or 11. And then I was laid off in 2014. And at that point, I had a severance package and I had a handful of clients and I had a passion and drive. And the company started to grow. Now, another amazing side effect of all that was I was even in therapy for this. I'm not even gonna lie. I was in therapy being afraid of getting found out, having this side business and working through that. This is how funny life is. So after I did get severance, Taco Bell, people did find out that I was doing this. And instead of it being a bad thing, they started hiring me like crazy because all these guys that were higher ups were now owners and directors of operations of franchisees all across the country. And I had worked for them at corporate, supported them. So they were more than excited to hire me to consult. And after doing that for a couple years, it led to my next opportunity where I was doing a lot of recruiting, but then I was seeing all the reasons why people weren't staying. It was a leadership opportunity, it was culture issues. So I built enough trust with these guys to start taking what I was doing to the next level. And I started doing conferences and workshops and keynote speaking at events, and it just kept growing and growing and growing until 2020. And I think we're all familiar with what happened there. And all of my contracts were in the restaurants, and it got wiped. I was just at a halt. Now, to be honest, a big part of me was kind of happy at that time because I had been going for years as a single mom, 80-hour weeks, never stopping. So the opportunity to kind of stop and pause was good for a little while. And then it set the next five years onto even more of a journey. I did a lot of things because at this point I had so much experience with different industries and corporate under my belt that I could just kind of consult. So I wasn't actively coaching. I was more consulting in my business after 2020. And it wasn't until about a year ago when I decided this is my strong point that I finally put together the last decade and created a system that now helps people take themselves from the awareness of what they want in their life, their business, whatever it is, to the actual execution piece. So my coaching has come full circle. And as I evolve and I grow and I've been coached, I hire coaches. I think we need to talk a lot more about that. Coaches have coaches. Like it's a thing, you know. We are always trying to get better. So I had to step out. And while I was stepping out, I was doing a lot of my own work. I was working with coaches so that I could be better because I could not be coaching people, going through certain things in my life that didn't seem right. But all of that time it was just a social experiment. Everything that has ever happened to me in my life has made me a better coach. I practice what I preach, I work on myself every day. We started having some side conversations pre-podcast about what that looks like. But in a nutshell, that's the kind of the evolution of my career, a business.

Kevin Yee: 8:05

There's so many things I want to touch upon. You know, what but one of the things that really sticks out to me is like when you hear Taco Bell in coaching, you don't associate those things together. Well, at least the common person like me, I don't associate those things together. And it's really amazing to see how this was this experience at Taco Bell kind of, you know, planted the seed of coaching and how it kind of came for full circle. Now, something I'm really interested about. You mentioned your reputation, right? Like for a long time you had clients at the door. What were people kind of saying about you? And if there was an evolution, because it sounds like it was over like many, many, many years, how did that kind of change? Like, what were people saying about you?

Gina DiStefano: 8:46

I think it's about the impact that I live on people. What that Maya Angelo's saying, people will forget what you say, people will forget what you do, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. So the first system I actually trademarked and coached on was called the Sue You System. And it stands for special, understood, and excited. And I would tell everyone, when I meet you, I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna make you feel special, understood, and excited to be around me. And when you do that, and that's how I would coach leaders, everyone become you become a magnet. People want to work with you, they want to buy from you, they want to date you, all of those things. But here's where I'll go next level. And this is kind of a very personal story that I've never shared until you just asked that question, okay? So early on, I will be very, very honest in my career, it was very ego-driven. I was out to prove something. I was out to prove that I was good enough, I was smart enough, uh, you know, all the things, especially being a Gen X woman, the hustle culture, I can be a mom, I can be a businesswoman, I can be a homeowner, I can have go to the gym, all the things. And the reality is now, and I apologize to the women of my generation and the women who are coming after me, it was not sustainable. And when I hit 40, it started to kind of crumble because I was so busy getting everyone to like me and to help everyone else that I wasn't helping myself. And I got lost in my career and I got lost in my ego. And that's when I started to have ego deaths. Some of you know call them crises, dark nights of the soul, whatever you want to label it. Basically, your life starts to fall apart, and everything you've ever worked for goes away. And everything I had ever worked for started to go away. And that was a signal that something was really wrong. I was completely out of alignment. And during this process, I'm gonna give you the you know, the quick overview because it was a lot uglier than I'm gonna, details I don't have time for, but it made you step out of your life. And what I realized was a whole other way that I had to coach. The way I was coaching my clients, I wasn't even coaching myself. So I had to take a couple years off and use the systems I was using on everyone else and turn it on myself. That's what God had me do. And when I did that, I have stepped back now with a whole other level of awareness, consciousness to help other people at a completely different level. Because we can't you reach a point. And I found that from a lot of people it is in your 40s. When you hit 40, that you've lived enough life to say, wow, this is what I don't want to take forward, this is what I've learned. And a lot can happen in your 40s. I think your 40s are the starting point of life. Like it is not midlife, this is it. Like you have 20 plus years, professional, personal relationships, divorces, kids, like all of this. And then you're still at a vital point in your life. Well, you've got another 20 plus years to monetize that. And that's when people can take off if you do it right. So now my talk, my target market, Gen Xers, 40 to 65. The people that have had all those experiences, but know deep down, like this is not in vain. And it's not, it's just you're tired, you're in the forest. So by pulling you out, getting you to see everything as a neutral third party, that's really where the change is. And that's what I did to myself, which is now I can help my clients a million times better.

Kevin Yee: 11:52

One of the things I'm very, very curious about as you kind of reach this higher level of consciousness or this new level of I guess being, right? You did mention that your target market kind of changed. You said 40 to 65 Gen Xers kind of feel tired. For someone who's not Gen X, right? I'm I'm a millennial. I'm just maybe this maybe I'm just naturally curious because that's gonna be me in a few years, right? What kind of challenges do they go through that most other people wouldn't realize?

Gina DiStefano: 12:20

They're realizing they have been living a life that was never theirs. And it's scary. And you get so busy in your 20s or 30s, this is when we can be under this false sense of I have it figured out or security. And then when an ego death happens, what that is, is it's some kind of usually it's triggered by a loss, a death, a divorce, a move, a foreclosure, a break, you know, something that causes you to stop everything and question everything. When you get into your 40s, it's that pivotal time where things just start to happen in your life. You're starting to recognize your parents are getting older, your children are getting older. I didn't, I'm not where I thought I was going to be. I thought this was gonna be this. It's a really big time of reflection. And in that time is an opportunity to take all of that, the good, the bad, the ugly, and just alchemize it, transmute it. But another problem is by the time we get to that age too, we're still surrounded by the people who kept telling us who we were supposed to be. So in my four-part system, it's called the revitalized system. Those four parts include the awareness as to what has happened, what's going on, what do I want. It's my first step with my clients. Who are you? What happened? I, and that is my 20 years of being a professional recruiter and interviewer. I will interview you as if you're in a documentary. And I'm gonna get you to see things, I'm gonna ask you questions. It's gonna blow your mind in that first three months of working with me. And then from there we go on. I call it your team. Who do you talk to every single day? Now, does your team, we gotta take a look at it, who needs to be cut, who needs more playing time, who needs less playing time, who needs a new position? Do we need to recruit based on the awareness we have now? And by the time you get to your 40s, you know a lot of people. This is the thing. I'm gonna get you to see all the things you're not seeing and how much you've actually done and how many people on that team need to go. I'm gonna show you patterns, I'm gonna show you examples because I'm gonna already know your life. I'm gonna know your story, and I'm gonna show you just how this team is working or isn't working for you. And that's where most people in life stop any kind of change because they don't want to eliminate, move, or add people to their lives. Okay, so that's number two. Number three, I call it talk. It's the talk part. Now, after you're aware of what's going on, you know who you're surrounding yourself with. Now we have to speak completely differently. That looks like boundaries. That looks like being very clear on your expectations of people. This is when you're gonna your team's gonna show you who they actually are by the time you're talking to this team with what you're aware of. And the final step is the execution. Now, everyone wants to go from awareness to execution, right? I want to lose weight, so I'm immediately gonna cut calories and I'm gonna do keto and this and that. It doesn't work. Why? Because you've got to change your entire life. So people stop that. Well, I want to not go to Taco Tuesday, but every Sunday I watch football with the boys and we eat wings. Yeah, but you're 75 pounds overweight. You can't do that anymore. If you don't want to do that, you don't want to have the conversation and set the boundary, you're gonna be fat forever. I'm sorry, you can't put a bow on this, right? You hate your job. Well, if you're not willing to put yourself out there and to change the people you're associating with and speak up for what you want, you're never gonna get out of the job. But it's not this easy because this is when you got to go back to that reprogramming. There are so many layers to this. Because the reason you're not acting in your 40s is because of something that happened to you in your childhood, your teens, your adolescence, your 20s, your 30s. That's another thing that happens midlife around your 40s. You start, the stuff that you push down comes up. You can't go from awareness to execution unless you look at the people you are surrounding yourself with. We all know that saying you're the average of the five people you're surrounding yourself with. And if you don't know how to speak confidently with conviction and have confidence, these are the four parts. This is the system. And by the time people get into their 40s, they have so much they don't even see. And also my background in HR and all of that, like I can take your transferable skills. You don't even know what you're capable of, the businesses you could start, how easy it is to monetize in this technology age we're in. It's actually a really exciting time if we all got on board together and figured out this is about this is how we could take our wealth back. This is how we could take our not only our country back, but our planet, our redistribution of wealth. So I like I said earlier, there's so many different layers as to where I started to where I am based on my own personal life journey.

Kevin Yee: 16:22

And suppose that someone continues to ignore these things. You mentioned something really interesting earlier that a lot of stuff that you kind of push down starts coming up. Let's say if one decides to leave this unresolved, what have you seen happen through your experience?

Gina DiStefano: 16:37

It's called disease in the body, heart disease, cancer, depression, anxiety, insomnia, obesity, diabetes. Those are all emotional. That's the thing. People also have to learn. Your physical body is an energetic body. It's not just what you're putting into it in terms of food. The people that you surround yourself with will lead to debilitating diseases. It's proven science. The statistics are out. Toxic relationships will literally kill you. You talk about glow-ups too. As a woman who's had a glow up in her 40s, that's why I look better in my 40s than I did in my 30s because of what I've done with my life, who I surround myself with, it cleans up everything. That's why I also say, too, you got women in their 50s and 60s looking like they're in their 40s when they finally say enough's enough. And they recognize their patterns, and they have the guidance next to them in the form of a trained coach to help them.

Kevin Yee: 17:30

Which leads me to my next question, right? This is all pretty nuanced, right? And it's easy to kind of understand through a conversation like this, right? One thing I am very, very curious about is like, how do you explain this really complex? Well, let's not even call it complex, but this very nuanced discussion in something like your marketing. How do you attract people to find out about like what you do and so that you can help them? What does the marketing look like?

Gina DiStefano: 17:58

You live the brand. You live your brand, you live it, and you get people to ask questions. I'm one of my favorite affirmations is I don't chase, I attract. Just by my being who I am and my full authenticity, which is the highest vibration, you attract it. And then that's the second part is the monetization. Yes, I created a system, I created a package. I have things I can sell, but how I sell that is I live it. When you're living your brand and you're living your authentic truth, every single person I talk to all day long are potential clients or referrals. Because it's not like I gotta sell today. I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna be Gina today. And I'm gonna talk about it. I'm gonna talk about what I do, and that's how I was trained originally. I could not fake false market now. That's another thing now. Marketing, you gotta have a real trained eye these days. You have a have to have a lot of discernment because everyone looks real pretty and there's no substance. So that's why I've leaned away from that. I don't need to mass market. I don't want to have 75,000 videos going all of the time. I don't need that. And I've proven that to myself by having a sustainable business for 15 years on and off as I so chose. And every time I chose to step back in full force because I knew it was gonna be authentic, it sold very, very quickly. When I had to step in and be an interim CEO for a national nonprofit in the retail beauty industry that I had never worked in in my entire life, I connected, I found the passion, I knew what I was gonna sell, I pitched it, I did very well. I worked for a global streaming network. I had never worked in media before. I held a vision, I knew how to execute it, I executed, it was great. So now this time around, you gotta step out. This is another thing people don't want to do because they're afraid of how they will be perceived. You gotta step out. You gotta step out of the life you're living to create a new one. And that's another thing people don't want to do because that looks like a financial loss. That might look like downsizing, that might look like not getting takeout all the time or Starbucks. People don't want to sacrifice so they stay comfortably miserable, you know, and that's where all the beauty and the changes, and that's what's made me who I am and so much more powerful than I was five or 10 years ago, because I know how to take a conscious pause and do the work. And if you see people constantly, if you've been following people for five or ten years and they just keep showing up the same and everything's perfect and they're so strong, I would scream, buyer beware, because while they're so busy looking great, when's the time for them to actually do the work? Like, where's their meditation practices? Where's their reflection? Where's their isolation? These are all imperative to quantum leaping in your life.

Kevin Yee: 20:17

Something that you said earlier is like this magnetizing energy, right? And uh, those weren't the words that you used, but that's kind of like what I got from it. When you are yourself, like, where do you kind of showcase your lifestyle or these stories that you're talking about? Like, do you have a preferred platform or something like that?

Gina DiStefano: 20:33

Or it's best to find me on TikTok. That's where my authentic self comes out. And it's funny because I had at heights of my career, I was on the traditional platforms of Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, you know, and I found TikTok to be a truly creative space for people to be their authentic selves. And the more I've done that, and I started that a couple of years ago, because that was also a part of my healing and my growth, was can I show up telling stories, telling truth unapologetically? And it's been a, you know, my followers are growing. I've had some huge viral videos of almost a million views and things like that. I'm like, oh, and it's also really interesting for me to use as a social experiment. What do people want to hear? What do people need more of? So that alone, it's it's been also a diary for me, a video diary of my growth. And I can sit there and look back on videos that I made a year or two ago and pat myself on the back and give myself all the love and the praise that wasn't given to me. And this is how I know that I'm ready to move forward and it's time. And the universe will always show me in signs, it's a feeling. This is another thing I will coach my clients on and teach them how to go back into the body to really regulate that nervous system. All the answers, we got them all. We were born completely equipped, and it's been programmed out of us. So the work I do is just to get everyone to remember that you can do anything, you really can.

Kevin Yee: 21:56

You know, it's really interesting. You wouldn't expect a bunch of uh gen Xers to be on TikTok, you know. Like there again is like contrast, which is really, really interesting.

Gina DiStefano: 22:05

There's a lot of us, there's boomers on there too.

Kevin Yee: 22:09

I see um, I see a growing amount of boomers.

Gina DiStefano: 22:11

You're not on our algorithm.

Kevin Yee: 22:13

I'm not even on TikTok talk, to be honest with you. I'm on Instagram more, but even Instagram reels, I see like a bunch of things, and I actually just recently posted up this Museum of Failures. That's a growing trend on like Instagram. Have you heard of uh the museum of failures? You just post I'm gonna look into it. Yeah, I'll send it to you later and stuff like that. But it builds so much relatability and people feel seen, and there's a real power of everybody talks about oh my god, brain rot, like brain rot TikTok, like it destroying our minds. But there is a positive side that I think goes overlooked a lot of times where it helps people feel seen a lot of times, you know. That's what it was.

Gina DiStefano: 22:50

And when I'm on TikTok, I have my glasses on, I'm in my pajamas, I'm literally in bed, and the camera goes on. When I was at the height, I told you, I built my business on ego. I had to show up perfect. The eyelashes were on, the hair was down, the whole thing, 95 takes for Instagram and Facebook. So that's why when my brain, my brain goes to, I don't want to go on those platforms so much because I equate it with who I used to be. And TikTok is so new, and it's the newer, it's the new me. I I steer away from that. And to me, TikTok, I just I love seeing creators do that. You just get into your car at the end of the day, and you know, you're telling the truth, like women in their real homes and not these perfect million-dollar mansions with the newly renovated kitchens, like an old school 1964 kitchen, because they can't afford to renovate it. Like you get you have a platform and you have something to say of a lot of value to people. TikTok to me is a platform for everyday human beings to be seen and heard and make a lot of money if they so choose.

Kevin Yee: 23:48

Yeah. It's interesting because even my closest friends are really big on social media. One of my friends, Vanessa Lau, she talks about a lot of her failures and stuff, like behind the scenes of her business. And it's just so relatable, and people want to see that imperfect like that. I don't want to even call it imperfection, but that real side of what real life actually is because what's portrayed a lot of times on the highlight reels and all that is never really how reality is, you know, it's almost a so distorted, you know.

Gina DiStefano: 24:18

It's a character, they're playing a character just like you see on TV. That's what social media is. It's TV. So you don't see celebrities 24 hours a day what their real lives are like, just like you don't see influencers' real lives. And it's if you think about it, this is when I call people to critical think too, and you have these women who have all these kids and these perfect videos, as a mother to know what it takes. You can't even get a kid to take a Christmas picture. Remember, you know how it's like it's now imagine every single day using your children as props. The behind the scenes isn't pretty. Those kids aren't happy. There's screaming, there's yelling, there's tension, but then they get the views. And eventually, mark my word, you're gonna start to see a lot of these towers just crumble because people can't hold up the perception forever. The truth will come out, and then you'll see these creators go away, or there's gonna be some, you know, epidemic of whatever in social media because you can't, you know, divorces that the all the couples will be splitting up, all you know, everything just eventually comes out. A lot of tragedies happen due to these, you know, parents not really paying attention. There's drownings of you, so you know, influencers, like there's there's a lot of bad that's happening because they're acting.

Kevin Yee: 25:20

Yeah. I it's kind of like what you're describing before, where you suppress all these things, right? And eventually you'll have that ego death, or these things come up. It's very, very similar to that. And you can't hold that facade indefinitely, or most people can't, unless you're putting it in.

Gina DiStefano: 25:34

Well, you can, but the thing, when you do it, you live the same life. It truly is a simulation. We are creators, we we live in a matrix of simulation, all of that. That's awesome to know though, because the second you see that, you can break those patterns. A simulation is just patterns. That's what my system does, it breaks patterns. So the people think about the people you have in your life too. It's so obvious sometimes. They're complaining about the same thing every day and they're doing the same thing every day, right? I'm so fat, I'm so tired. You know, I get up every morning and I have a 700-calorie frappuccino with a bagel, right? And then for lunch I have Chipotle. So why do you think I'm tired and overweight? But I'm not willing to stop doing that. So you see these people in bad relationships, bad marriages, yet they're doing nothing to get out of them. And those people will live in that same life forever. That's what happens. And then the other people that you always see evolving, they're changing, they're moving, they think they have these great lives, and everyone wants to sit there and go, it's so easy for them. No, it's actually not. They actually had to have ego deaths, and horrible things happen to them for change, and they chose to do that.

Kevin Yee: 26:33

I think there's a third category too. It made me think of a close loved one, right? And he's near and dear to my heart. Probably family, but he is overweight. It's like the Matrix scene where they choose to take the blue pill. They choose to, they know everything is fake, they know they're overweight, they know they have all these problems, but instead they take the blue pill, pretend everything is okay. Yet it leaks out through projection where he criticizes other ironically, he criticizes other fat people and stuff like that too. And it's just really, really interesting. So, but yes, I agree with all those different pathways. And there's probably more pathways that we haven't even talked about.

Gina DiStefano: 27:10

Oh, there's so much more that I don't even know. That's the thing, too. The more I know, the less I know, right? The more I know, the more there is that I need to learn. There's there's just so much.

Kevin Yee: 27:18

And one other thing I'm very curious about because a lot of the work that you did, because you explained kind of very high level, kind of your process, right? Of how you coach people. What you're doing seems pretty intimate, right? It's the deep work. How do you manage your client capacity? It seems like a lot of work. Do you cap it out of certain amount of clients? How do you make sure that you have balance in your life while helping other people?

Gina DiStefano: 27:41

I've completely switched up my business model, whereas early on in my career it was I would have 10 to 15 clients a week, sometimes more, and it was exhausting. And now much fewer clients, more kind of the group work courses, selling. Like I like to do bigger things and not so much one-on-one, even though I like the one-on-one because it's truly my passion. But for the level of work I do, it's very involved. I'm getting older too. Like, there are ways that I want to streamline my business so I don't have to be in it as much. But to see more than two clients or three a day would be so energetically draining for me that I would burn out very, very quickly. Because in the past, too, the coaching wasn't as deep until I started to learn how deep I had to go. That's when I a part of my journey was stepping out. You can always move people with coaching. That's why when you are going to work with a coach, I say this all the time, you need to interview them. And if their story doesn't have your jaw dropped and mind-blown, don't hire them, right? How am I supposed to move you through hell if I've never been there? Right? My fancy I believe degree from Brown. What is that? I conceptualize stuff. Like, walk me through your life, how you overcame obstacles, what you learned from them, and I'm gonna pay you. But for you to be like, well, I always love coaching, I love to help people, my dad was a psychiatrist, my mom was a psychologist, and I, you know, blah blah blah. What? And that's the majority of these people. And then you see people who are in therapy for years and they are not moving in their life, right?

Kevin Yee: 29:18

Reliving their patterns over and over and over again.

Gina DiStefano: 29:21

Because there they don't want to. A lot of people just want to stay there and stay validated, you know, and that's kind of the big difference between coaching and therapy. Even though I firmly believe in therapy, absolutely, there's a place for it. But therapy is about marinating in the past, it's about validation for it. Coaching is about what's next. That's why I have to move mix a little therapy in there. Yeah, I need to know the background, I need to know the triggers. But what I want to do is I want to take that and instead of talking about it every week and saying, Oh, I'm so sorry, that must have been so hard. How are you doing? I'm gonna say, isn't that amazing that you overcame that? Like, look at how far like what are let's let's expand on that. Like, how are you different after that? How do you view the world different? Wow, okay, now how can we everything is to be used in your favor. That's alchemizing the path. That's how you really move.

Kevin Yee: 30:01

It's really interesting because I noticed the same thing when I first started therapy in probably like five years ago in my 30s. I realized that therapy was just marinating. Like it felt like I was running circles over and over.

Gina DiStefano: 30:14

And how exhausted did you feel after therapy when you go home? You gotta take a nap. You're just I don't want to talk about my childhood anymore. Like I I you know what you feel awful. I didn't make the team. It's in seventh grade, and now you're sitting that all night long. Whereas could you imagine sitting there talking about that pain, finding the power in that, and then going home in that energy? Wow, I am pretty badass. Oh wow, I can't believe that I survived that. Like I want you in that energy. Because that's when I'm not around and you're laying in bed at three o'clock in the morning, and that pass gets you. I want to give you the tools to move yourself out of that into a higher powerful state.

Kevin Yee: 30:47

Something you said earlier. I want to go back to this. I quoted streamline your business. You're thinking more about this as you get older, right? I guess what are some things that change as you get older, and how have you thought about streamlining your business? I know that you've talked about doing more group offerings and courses and group work and stuff, but like I'm kind of curious about that.

Gina DiStefano: 31:07

What's changed and the way I view the world differently at 45 is money is simply energy and freedom. It really isn't about the things, it's about the people and the experiences. And more money to me means more responsibility of how I can help other people, bless other people with it. So money for me, that's what it's become. Prior to it was things, it was status, it was all of that. It's simplicity to me. Like now, I just want a very simple life, peace becomes very important. Human interaction, especially now with technology. The lack of true human interaction is scary. So why I think I'm here now is to somewhat help raise the consciousness of humanity, get people back to remember we are all the same. We are souls having a human experience. We are here for a very short period of time. There is no lack, and it's just we have to fix the programming, the limiting beliefs. Life is not easy. They never told us it was easy, and it's not supposed to be easy, but it's supposed to be fun, and you're supposed to get better at it, which makes it more fun. But challenges are never gonna go away. You're just gonna get better at overcoming them and alchemizing them and changing the way you look at your past.

Kevin Yee: 32:23

And also like going through coaching, too. It's kind of changing the relationship of these challenges. I think about it like jujitsu. No one wants to get their arm broken or get choked out. That's not that's not like really fun the end result. But figuring out these problems of recognizing these problems, experimenting, tinkering with things, there's something about that that is so playful, and it can be the same for business, any parts of life. And I've been able to kind of take those lessons from like one domain and apply it to others as well. And I think you also mentioned something really interesting too, is like how you see money as energy, and I think personal relationship to money has changed over the years too, where it used to be like, oh, it's very scarce, like it's a status symbol, kind of like the ego uh type of things, right? And even though sometimes I get pulled back into that at times, I would be lying if I said I did it.

Gina DiStefano: 33:17

I'm still a human, okay? I'm still human.

Speaker 1: 33:19

But I thought you were chat GPT for a second, but yeah, I'm like I have those moments, but 90% of the time, you know, that that's not the main focus.

Kevin Yee: 33:28

Yeah, and it's just so beautiful just to have a business, and especially like when in my business I hired people, and it's such a blessing to be able to sustain people's living on what they love doing. What I find like maddening, these people really love it, and to sustain that living is a real blessing and opportunity too. That's what I'm saying.

Gina DiStefano: 33:49

There's a lot of responsibility. That's what I always say too that when you have a big purpose here, I call it God, whatever you want to call it, your higher power, source, whatever. I don't care if it's a lampshade that you look to. It's just if there, I believe that if you were sent here and you have a big purpose, then you're gonna have challenges to overcome. There's gonna be trainings, there's no testimony without a test. Because, like you just said, I love that you just said that. Because you're so blessed and you do so well, you can bless other people. Like, wow, like that's a big deal. I can speak out of both sides of my mouth, and this is when when I wear all sound like a hypocrite. For me, I don't need a mansion, I don't need boats, yachts, summer homes, all of those things. But if I did, look at it this way. All the people that you have to employ to keep up your properties, you're employing people. And if you're a kind person, like think of what a magical environment you can create on your estate. Your landscapers, your maids, your chefs, your pool people, like everyone there, you're employing people. That's a big deal. That's pretty cool that you can do that.

Kevin Yee: 34:51

Yeah, I've been really reflecting on this too. I've been reading um one of the books that's been on my mind a lot is Die With Zero. And it talks about life experiences and how distorted, I guess the conventional way of looking at money. Like, really, it's a different way of living where we prioritize the life experiences first versus like the money where in a very capitalistic society we're always taught to like look at money as a main driver, which is kind of like the ego uh that we're talking about before. But it's a really interesting shift in paradigm. So that's been top of my mind as well.

Gina DiStefano: 35:26

But there is obviously an agenda out on the minds because the more you keep people in lack and fear, the harder it is for people to make all the abundance that is actually there. Again, it's mindset. There's more than that. We've just been programmed to believe it's hard to make, you gotta get all these degrees. There's only certain ways to make money. Think of it that way. There's only certain ways to make a lot of money, is how people, especially in the United States, are programmed when that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Kevin Yee: 35:49

It's really interesting because I've been out here in Asia. Like I said, one of the things I do out here is martial arts and jujitsu specifically, right? And I go out to these communities, they don't really have anything, they're from really poor families and stuff. But I see their kids, and their kids are just running around playing with other kids, like at the jiu-jitsu gym, and they are so happy, no iPads, nothing. And they're just like very present with each other. And even when I'm there, I'm just like I find that I'm in a very playful mood too, where I'm like, hey kids class, you want to try beat up this 37-year-old 10v1? I video of it, it's pretty funny. But just seeing these kids just so happy just lights up my soul and reminds me of like having money and the mansions and all that sort of stuff is nice, right? But there is a lot of wisdom in the very, very simple things, and we don't always need to conflate happiness with money and stuff, and oftentimes it's yeah, like those two things are mutually exclusive sometimes. Not always, but a lot of times. So I do want to touch upon something that you said earlier. You said big purpose, and so one of the things I'm very curious about, you know, is your future goals. I guess where do you kind of want this coaching business to take you in the next few years? Do you have desires to scale, hire people, any secret dreams, big ambitions no one knows about? I would love to kind of hear about that.

Gina DiStefano: 37:14

Here's what I've learned in my 45 years. I am a very powerful manifestor. I have seen things, ideas, but my creator's plan is way bigger than mine. So I'm in a state of surrender at this point, which is the opposite of how I built my business. Like I told you, I was hustle culture. It was 80-hour weeks, it was non-stop. But I've done it already. You know, I'm at a point now where I can strategically pause, but I would be lying if I said there wasn't a little part of me that would love a coaching school. Because I'm here to raise the consciousness of humanity. I want people to be their own bosses. I want people to remember their power. And when you give people their power back, you change the world. And everyone has the ability to do it. And those that don't will live the lives we talked about earlier. But I think that with the right people and the right training and the systems I've created, there could be major, major, major impact. So I don't know what's in store. I have my thoughts and my ideas, but TBD, I guess.

Kevin Yee: 38:15

I have to ask. I was gonna ask this after podcast, but I got asked this during podcast. Are you in the human design? Yes. Oh, okay. What's your type, by the way?

Gina DiStefano: 38:25

Oh god, the fact you have to ask me this, it's on my phone, and I haven't, I just kind of got into it, and I'm never gonna find this app. Oh, wait, here it is a line human design app. I'm a generator like is that what you mean? Like, what is mine? Yeah, okay, description, my energy type, I'm a generator, your authority, how you should miss make decisions, emotional authority, I'm the self-motivated hero, my strategy responding, my sign satisfaction. Is this making sense to you? Because this is it's funny you just said that because yeah, I'm getting into it.

Kevin Yee: 38:57

Yeah, I got more to tell you after a podcast. Uh I don't want to turn this into a human design podcast, but yeah. One interesting thing too, I wrote in quotes like coaching school, right? As you're kind of in this season of business, what are some challenges that you're kind of experiencing or noticing in this season of business right now? Maybe some things that people can't really see outside looking in.

Gina DiStefano: 39:20

I think it's very hard for me right now because I'm a single mother and I have two boys who are 13 and 17. So the fact that I am their ultimate role model, the one they see the most, their father really isn't in the picture at all, puts a lot of pressure on me to really ask myself if I am making the best choices and the best decisions. And that's another reason why I firmly believe that I had to take the pause I did being a single mom. I traveled a lot early on, but the critical age my sons are, instead of me looking at it like I'm falling behind, oh no, I looked at it like a huge blessing that not only do I have the time that I can dedicate to it, but my sons can actively, at ages that they can retain and understand, watch their mother in action. Watch me state what I'm going to do and the steps that I take to achieve it, how I hold myself accountable. So right now it's more important for me to be a coach and a role model to my children than it is for me to be running a coaching school for millions of people. I believe that big things are in store. Like even looking back over the last 20 years, the way I was positioned, I fought, I almost didn't take the Taco Bell job. I was living in DC at the time. My father had just passed, and they were recruiting me so hard, except for I didn't want to take it because it was remote. I was at Citigirl. I what wore the sneakers on, the train, put my heels on in the office, did the happy hours. I'm like, I'm not gonna get fat and wear sweatpants all day. Like, who works at home? Losers work at home. This is the stuff I was thinking. I even said to them, I was like remote. I'm like, can is there like an office I can go into a couple days a week? And they were like, Well, we're you know, headquartered out of Irvine, California. So no, we're not gonna fly out to California a couple times a week. And I was like, okay, fine. But what's meant for you will never pass you by. I was meant to have that job, and that was the foundation to my entire career and my business. God knew, the universe knew. So that's what I say now sometimes. Like, just pause. What's meant for you will never pass you by. So I'm much calmer now at 45, also, knowing that I have a knife, enough life under my belt to see how the game's played. I've kind of figured out the game.

Kevin Yee: 41:31

It's kind of interesting, I think, as a reason why you're born in the East Coast versus like SoCal because the vibes are very, very different and you going to those happy hours and stuff really shows. But also something I kind of notice like through your stories is that you learn to lower the intensity, right, of these situations. And it's a phrase that I love that Matthew Hussey talks about. He talks about it in the dating context, but it can be applied in a lot of other areas of life as well. Speaking about games, I would love to play a game with you, Gino, if you're open to it.

Speaker 1: 42:03

Alright.

Kevin Yee: 42:04

Alright, so we're at our segment where I love stories, and this is a storytelling game through the lens of business investments because you said that you invested in other coaches, but any coach or entrepreneur, right, they invest into like, yeah, their training, marketing, team members, a lot of different things, right? And so what I'm gonna do is prompt a phrase, and you just tell me the first thing that comes to mind, you know. Just kind of like psychologist, I guess, right? And try to be as specific as possible. First business investment you remember making. My business coach. What year was that?

Gina DiStefano: 42:37

2010 or 11.

Kevin Yee: 42:40

Last business investment you made.

Gina DiStefano: 42:41

Uh lead generating program.

Kevin Yee: 42:44

Ooh, how long ago was that?

Gina DiStefano: 42:46

About a year ago.

Kevin Yee: 42:47

These might overlap a little bit, but best business investment you made.

Gina DiStefano: 42:51

Another coach I hired two years ago.

Kevin Yee: 42:54

And why was that?

Gina DiStefano: 42:55

She was someone I had met a few years earlier when I was interim CEO. She was a coach. She reached out to me because she was interested in giving back and wanted to know if my nonprofit would donate sessions. I will never forget the first call I had with her, the energy, the synergy, like a chills just thinking about it. She ended up becoming a good friend. And usually you don't coach friends, you do not coach. That's kind of like the cardinal rule. You really come, you can't coach friends or family. It's challenging. You can surface do. I could never do it at to the level because another thing is I need to go in blind. Like I need to only know who you are from this moment on and who you want to be, and then the past. When you, when you're when you've known from for so long, it can get cloudy. It's just my personal opinion experience. But about three or four years later, for some reason, it was just this what she, what her specialty was, was what I needed. And it changed my life. And it changed the way I coached. And it changed everything. So, like coaches will change your life. They will because this woman who was coaching me, like I said, I think the reason it was her was because I knew her life. I knew how she overcame things. I knew she walked the talk. I knew her systems uh worked because she was walking it, she was living the brand. It was at a time that I couldn't really afford her, and she was like, We'll make it work. She made it work. That's another thing I do with my clients. I don't turn you away, we'll figure it out, you know? And she did it for me, changed my life. I do it for other people. That's part of the giving back, too. Or especially when people are that driven to work with someone at my level. I know, like the money is the last thing I'm worried about. Like, are you kidding me? The amount of money you're gonna be like, please. Because usually it is people, that's when they need you the most sometimes. They already have been successful. That's why I say my Gen Xers, you know the ebbs and flows of finance, especially if they're entrepreneurs. Honey, I've been there. I know you're you've got to be there. It's part of the game. If you haven't been there, I question you. If you've if you call yourself an entrepreneur and you've never been in a financial position that caused you worry, then you're not really an entrepreneur. You might be a trust fund baby or you got someone funding you, but if you are self-made, better have a couple bankruptcies under your belt or something as you're living in your $15 million home. Like, that's what makes the story juicy. Like, there better be some divorces, some health scares, kids that don't talk to you, addictions. Like, that's life. That's truth. That's what's gonna get me to hire you. I don't care about your degrees, who you've worked with, what have you overcome? Were you homeless? Did your wife leave you because you didn't make as much money? All this, all the things. That's who impresses me.

Kevin Yee: 45:18

Yeah, and it's through those pivotal moments. I I know Hormosia has a saying where he says, like, oh, do it for the story, right? And but it's through those pivotal moments where I believe the biggest growth happens because it forces us to, as you said before, like reflect on these moments. And that's where that's the tipping point of where change starts to begin. It's not the tipping point where change happens, but it's where like a lot of we start to stop to reflect and we can choose to take the red pill or blue pill, like my brother.

Gina DiStefano: 45:48

Yeah, so once you take it, you can't unsee it. Once you start doing the work, that's why this journey, I give full disclosure to my clients of when you get on the path. It's very lonely, too, because when you are making big strides in your life, you're gonna lose a lot of people. It's very it's true, it's lonely at the top. Because when you have found how to bring yourself to a place of peace, you will protect that with everything. And anyone who comes along that jeopardizes that, you have zero tolerance. Prior to that state, we let everyone mess with our energy. That's why you're not where you want to be. When you do the work to get there, you will never entertain drama or chaos again.

Kevin Yee: 46:28

Last phrase. We only did three.

Gina DiStefano: 46:31

I'm sorry.

Kevin Yee: 46:32

Worst business investment that you kind of wish you got your money back from.

Gina DiStefano: 46:36

It was my time, that was money. I lost about a quarter of a million dollars in wages for making business moves before I knew my worth. Truth, I've made some big mistakes. I've learned the hard way. And the reason I made those mistakes was because of stuff I didn't heal from my childhood. I've always had confidence. I had no self-worth. Majority of entrepreneurs full of confidence, no self-worth. That's how. Peel back the layer, take the suit off, take the financial statement away. People are wearing functioning adult costumes, could be a gajillionaire, and you are not, you know, this, you're not okay in the head. Why, which is why when I did executive leadership coaching, the people at the tippity top are not okay. And they're leading all the people at the bottom. And you wonder why there's so much dysfunction in this world is because the people in the position of power are just running around with unhealed trauma that they're projecting onto everyone underneath them. The thing with me, the reason I am where I am now, no one intimidates me because I know you're a human. I know you've got just as much stuff as I do. The only difference is I am not a doesn't own me anymore. That's why a lot of people will get very scared of me because there's an energy that you can tell. I'm no BS. I can smell it a mile away. And I'm gonna speak about it or I'm gonna remove myself. That's a place of power that is not built overnight, and I can sense that in people. That's why some leaders will just stop you in your tracks because there's a power to them, there's an innate power that they've worked on that you can tell it's an energy, and the people that have done the work can read it in other people and can sniff insecurity or impostors a mile away.

Kevin Yee: 48:05

You know, you said something really interesting. You know, it made me stop and think. You said some people are confident but have no self-worth, and some people have the inverse, right? How do you define like a lot of times I think people will interchange those terms? How do you define those terms? There's a huge difference. What's the difference between the two?

Gina DiStefano: 48:23

Confidence is a knowing that you are capable. Worthiness is believing you are deserving. And if you don't have the worthiness and you work for something, you won't hold on to it. Does that make sense? It's like in a take a personal relationship, okay? Because it's when you're dating someone, right? It's just the first three months or so, right? You're pretty up, you're perfect. Oh my god, it's love at first sight, it's this or that. But eventually the facade falls away. That perfect girl, right? Now you're seeing how she's really controlling. She doesn't let me go out. She's always texting me. She's this, she's that. She's confident she got you, right? She knew how to put it on. She seduced you. And then you're like, wow, like I can't believe I got this girl. And then after three or four or five months, you're like, oh, now I know why. Because her functioning adult costume got you. But then when she needs so much validation or nothing that you do is good enough, and then she's criticizing you, or she that's because she has no self-worth. Makes sense.

Kevin Yee: 49:21

It's like you're talking about my ex-girlfriend from like everything is interchangeable, hon.

Gina DiStefano: 49:28

This is the lesson you see. Because I'm like, that's the thing. If the people in my personal life that I dated, why did I date that guy? Oh, he had money, he was successful, this or that. He was also an alcoholic. And the reason he was an alcoholic was because of all of his childhood trauma. See what I mean? He was a partner in investment firm. So unhealed Gina was attracted to that because growing up that made you a good man. I know that means nothing now. Look at women, what you see. It's looking past the facade. And if you really do the work when you get older, that's the wisdom that comes with it. You see past a lot of stuff that you fell right into when you were 35.

Kevin Yee: 50:03

This is actually a good transition into the last segment that we have. It's final advice that I would like to get from you. I call this overrated, underrated. As a human, a business owner, a single mom. Sure, you've gotten a lot of advice. Some of it good, some of it bad. Some of it solicited, probably 99% unsolicited. So, what's the most overrated piece of advice that you've gotten so far? And what's the most underrated piece of advice?

Gina DiStefano: 50:29

Overrated? Just be yourself the cliche. Do you know what I'm saying? Because nobody even knows how to just be themselves. And I got that a lot early on in my career. Just be yourself. When you're in your 20s, you don't even know who that self is. And I didn't know who I was being. I didn't like that. I never liked hearing that. Underrated, it's not supposed to be easy. You know how they always say, too, it's not a straight way up. I really wish early on, in my 20s or 30s, somebody had told me how normal and necessary the crashes, the void, the quiet time is. And that's where the magic is. Let me expand a little bit. I always thought that if I wasn't creating, producing, selling, then I was worthless, I was lazy, I wasn't doing anything. I know now less is more. Inspired action and divine timing. You're gonna start to see the more ebbs and flows and failures you have, the importance of that. You call it an incubation time, I call it isolation, I call it the void, right? When something isn't exactly happening.

Kevin Yee: 51:28

Yes.

Gina DiStefano: 51:29

When you learn to get really comfortable in that space, that's where the magic happens. Because what happens is you got successful for a reason. You've had some really amazing highs. And so what happens to your brain is you pull evidence. How did I do that? How did I achieve that? And a lot of times it's because you were doing, right? You're not gonna be like, oh yeah, I was laying on my couch, and da-da-da-da. You can't sustain that, is what I was talking about earlier. I was you, right? You just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And I got this, and you keep going. And then you start to get a little tired and you can't perform at that level, and you're gonna find the more time you're down, enjoying yourself, golfing, fishing, napping, exercising, sitting in nature, you'll be sitting under that tree, and all of a sudden a thought will come to you. How did that thought come in? And it'll spark this amazing creativity. And that's the moment you grab the journal, you grab your phone, you get it down. There's so much more in the downtime, and that's where the training is. That's why also I changed it. You have to have a certain mindset, and it's typically people between 40 and 65 that can do that level of work because a lot of people in their 20s and 30s, they'll think I'm crazy. She's old, she has no idea what she's talking about. I'm like, wait till you're 40 and burnt out, then call me. Okay. And the people that can afford me now in this generation, the Gen X, because that's the thing, they have the money. They just don't want to have to sustain it like that, or there's that fear of losing it. You know, you can have eight figures in the bank and people are still terrified. It's a mindset, it's come something that happened, and you were a kid. All this stuff doesn't go away. And it will follow you, it'll plague you. You gotta get comfortable in that downtime and learn. And then, have you ever heard of Tim Ferris, The Four Hour Work Week?

Kevin Yee: 53:03

Yep, of course.

Gina DiStefano: 53:04

Yeah. I thought he who's that loser. He came out of there. Like, now I'm going, guys, he got it. He got it when I would have, I was so I wasn't ready to receive that. Now not only did I receive it, I coach on it. It took 20 years, but I got it.

Kevin Yee: 53:18

There's so many great thought leaders that talk about the same thing, right? Let's like Seth Gordon has the concept of the dip. Ben Hardy, he talks about 10x is easier than 2x and let it leaving that space. There's another person, but oh yeah, there's the quantum leap, right? Book. It's like a small, thin book. I forgot something pictured or whatever. But it's all about having that space, and I think, especially younger people like myself, even though I'm conscious of it, I'm not always conscious of it in a survival pattern. And so, but yeah, that's the hardest part. I think that's probably one of the hardest things when you actually know something logically, but emotionally, you haven't necessarily processed it or can't emotionally execute it in real time sometimes. That's one of the hardest parts. So kind of like jujitsu. It's like I know this move, I'm like, I know how to defend this armbar, but in real time when stuff is happening, like you still get caught, you know. So it's pretty interesting.

Gina DiStefano: 54:14

And I love you said say that too. I do consider myself a thought leader. I would love to be recognized as one of the greats, but the truth is, is we're saying the same thing, but we have to put our own spin on it because there's not enough of us. There's not enough, which you just described about that level of consciousness. That's pretty high level. And the Joe Dispenses, the David Bears, the Eckhart Tolle's, the Neville Goddards, all of them, they're saying the same thing. Alan Watts, Joseph Campbell, like the crux, the foundation of what they're saying, Einstein, they're saying the same thing. Frequency, vibration, universal laws. It's gotten so distorted over the last centuries that people are walking around like they don't have all the power. Change your thoughts, change your life. All of us were saying it. Like, this is when I'm like, okay, when I talk about that purpose, I'm like, oh wow, like you really think I'm capable of helping humanity on this level because that's what it is. You do way more by doing less. It's the truth. But we have been so look at yourself, honey. You're programmed to believe that if I'm not producing, creating, doing something, I'm lazy, I'm a loser, it's all, I'm gonna lose all of it. And then if I lose all of it, I can't pay everyone. And you get yourself into this story and you get your nervous system so dysregulated, and that's what leads to the drinking, the smoking, and the eating, the porn, the overworking, the going to the gym for eight hours, any kind of disassociating behavior comes from that story you started in your head. I interrupt that story. I create a different story by helping you realize that you can change the neural pathways of your brain. It's not easy, it's just consistency and discipline, like your body. Like, think of a six-pack. You think you go to the gym once a week and get your body? No, right? Isn't that insulting? Wouldn't it be insulting if someone was like, oh, so like what do you work out like? You go to the gym like a couple times a month. No, when you see people killing it in life, it's because every single day, the first thing I say to myself when I get up in the morning is, Good morning, beautiful. I love you so much. We're gonna have the best day ever. And if I wake up in any kind of anxiety, I immediately go to a scripture, an affirmation. I take control of that brain from the second I get up in the morning. Everything is always working in my favor. I always have enough money. Money flows to me easily and effortlessly. I'm perfect health. Even if I just went to the doctor and like, oh, things don't look good. I will drive home. I'm perfect health. Every little cell, my body's happy, every like I don't let it in. You know how long it took to get here? That wasn't me five years ago. Five years ago, I'm like, I'm dead, the kids, I'm gonna be a Data Farber. I can't like oh, my kids are No, because the present moment now, nothing's even happening.

Kevin Yee: 56:39

As we kind of taught on this podcast, it's kind of like I actually look forward to those challenges, the things that Source has put in front of me because I know myself very well, and it's like another challenge to just step up to, and that's where the growth happens. That's when I started really taking training seriously, eating seriously, and all this other stuff. And so I think it's not always fun, but it's not always like super enjoyable, but that's part of growth, and I long term I feel very, very fulfilled, even though in that short term I might not be happy about it, but long term I always feel fulfilled.

Gina DiStefano: 57:17

So yeah, there's no reward without the risk. Like, you gotta put yourself out there, you gotta make yourself uncomfortable. There's no way around it.

Kevin Yee: 57:24

With that being said, Gina, how can people find you and connect with you?

Gina DiStefano: 57:28

You can schedule consultations on my website, which is de Stefano Group.com. I can also be found on LinkedIn, Gina DeStefano, Destefano Group on Instagram and Facebook. And you can email me. You want my email, I can give you all the things.

Kevin Yee: 57:46

You know, Gina, this is actually a really, for me, it was a really, really refreshing um podcast because I think this podcast it really highlights we went really, really deep into not just the surface level stuff, but into the core beliefs and core reasons behind why we do the things that we do. And as for someone who is younger who's not in your target demo, but just like a few years younger, right? I'm only three years off from your target demo. But it was really, really refreshing to see what's ahead and what pe other people struggle with. And even for myself, I'm starting to see symptoms of well, I have seen symptoms of what you're describing, but knowing that I'm not alone and that this is actually quite normal makes it.

Gina DiStefano: 58:30

You're exactly where you are meant to be, and that's you cannot mess it up. You can't. Your drive, your DNA, the visions, it's already been done. That's another thing. You can't mess it up. It's just trust the process, enjoy it, make it fun. You're supposed to fail, you're supposed to make mistakes, and that's how you learn and get better. As delusional as it sounds, that's how the winners get better, to your point. Like, you gotta look at it as a challenge as a good thing. Like, all right, what am I gonna learn from this? That's how I go into stuff now. Do I like it? No. Am I gonna be better because of it? Yes.

Kevin Yee: 59:02

I think you did your job on this podcast. You said people to remember to get back to like humanity, and to actually like, you know, as you're speaking, I was thinking about my first jujitsu class, right? And I got choked out by a 13-year-old protege jujitsu guy. I was probably like 24 or 28.

Gina DiStefano: 59:21

I was gonna ask how old are you? I'm like, please tell me you were nine.

Kevin Yee: 59:23

No, no, no, no. I was much older, and it's I remember my friend, he's like, You gotta let that like 13-year-old choke you out and stuff. And sure, the ego might be like, Yeah, he's right, like, I'm such a bitch, right? Like, there's that side, right? But then there's the other side of the challenge of being able to like look at that adversity or something that happened, right? It's not even a challenge, really, but to be able to laugh at it and kind of like lower the intensity of these moments and stuff. And I think that that's really the magic of what you do, Gina. Like, as I'm looking through all the stories that you've told and stuff and being a real supportive person for people and you know very emotionally heavy times sometimes right especially right now so all I want to say Geno that's a really long way of just saying hey thank you for the work that you do thank you for showing up to the podcast sharing your experience and yeah I appreciate you all right well thank you so much this was fabulous I appreciate you having me on that's it for this episode of Career Coaching Secrets if you enjoyed this conversation you can subscribe to YouTube Spotify Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening to this episode to catch future episodes this conversation was brought to you by Purple Circle where we help career coaches scale their business to seven and eight figures without burning out.

Davis Nguyen: 1:00:38

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